Nostalgia

The times, they come to be gone.
I seek the significance of the times,
I gather the insignificance of the moments.
I seek the inspiration to attempt describing it,
I behold the abstruse in all its beauty.
I am here today, here to be gone,
The worth of this moment, beyond comprehension,
Filled with nostalgia for all those passed,
Filled with hope for the ones to come,
Filled with pride for existing in the now.

Solitude

This fascination with solitude, shall
Drown me soon. I can vouch I don't
Understand it, yet I flirt with it.

Misguided image of the self,
Misunderstood by virtue of being me,
I crave what I mustn't.

I suffer it, yet I invoke it,
I invite it; fooled pleasure yes
But fooled I remain.

I hate, I take it; I must
Lose me from me, unsafe I am
With me. Lose me, take me...

Existence

If I could make this all a blur,
Confusing my senses, fooling them,
Resigning to pure reception,
I would, give myself to a splash
Of colours never seen, never imagined;
Sounds never heard, joys never felt,
Sorrows never suffered; I'd take
them all for none matter. I am lost,
Always was, lost and in torment.

Much too trivial, I say, trivialities
Abound; yet there is significance
That creeps in, significance ruins.
Posession ruins. Beyond me it will
Always be, yes, comprehension cannot
Be had. I search solace in unexplored
Trivialities, I search. I find them,
I imagine them. I cling on. Significance
creeps in.

I hate this existence, I love existence.

Yearning

I may be as torn as souls thrown out of lives
I may be as sad as lonesome can ever be
I may see the glee that this world can ever churn
I may hear the noise that drowns away my thoughts

But there's this, you are always with me
Times we spent, like treasures ours to keep
Dreams we saw, forever urging on
Promises made, I am glad to keep in place

Because you and me, is the calm for all my life
All of my thanks, I'd give away for your presence
All I ever want, is your smile - the one I know
All I shall give, is my love - the one you do know

So come here to me, I am torn for your lack
Bring me my joy, even if purely fleeting
I'd give you my all, let's make this dream come true
I'd give you my all, let's claim our happiness...

Carry nary any weary

Weary thy heart might be,
Burdened thy mind might be,
Confused thy soul might be,
But cometh the hour and cometh the man,
A dream that shalt be thine,
Deserveth by thine for thee,
Leave thou unto me all burden,
Carry nary any weary,
I beseech,
Carry nary any weary.

Gratitude

Cherished are those that ignite
Wonder in one's perception,
Shine and glimmer out of the dull,
Gather praise, deserving and undeserving.

Often are forgotten the monotonies of life,
Hidden in everlasting existence,
Existing in faithful companionship,
Ever stirring the life in the object.

But I pause in this moment,
Yes gratitude for what could be but what is,
Gifts of healing simplicity deserve their worth,
Yes, I cherish you.

Leaving

I am drowning; my strength diminishing, caught between fatigue and a lack of will power.
I am surrendering, with a last bit of curiosity, to destiny, to see what fate holds for me.
I am indulging, with a blasphemous negligence of myself, in the pleasures of guilt.
I am leaving; seek me not, no roads back to the present from the destination I seek for myself.

The Broken

I wish I could hold you
And say that I love you
I wish I could show you
What I feel inside,
But the pain pulls me down
Having you but not mine
Having you to not hold
I love so much
But I can't show it
I need you with me
But I know what's coming
Take me not for the wrong
Cause I still love you
Just as always
But now I just can't show you
Like how I could those lost days
I am still the same
I love you just the same
All the times I have waited
All the pain I have tasted
Was just for you
Hoping love would come
One day to make it all sweet
And wash off the wounds
Make me smile again

I know not what to tell you
But I just love you
Ask not why I still do
Because I always will do
Maybe you can't see it
But trust me it's right there
I hate that I am found lacking
But you know I am trying
I know all that you want
And I know I can give it
It's so painful to see me
I know what's coming
But I will still love you
Right till the end and beyond
It can't get more painful
Than this to love you
But I still will just love you
Like I did always
Ask me not why I do
But know that I still do
The world comes in between us
What if for just one moment
The world was with us
And was for us not against
But I don't hope for that

I know where I slipped
What I did and didn't
But I know I have been fair
I know I have been just
I never did you wrong
Cause all I did was love you
In all ways that I knew
And love you I did do
No one can doubt that
I say
Can the world just take a moment
To see what lies deep
And stop being unfair
Cause nothing else matters
But you know that won't come
You have to take it
If you ever decide to
The world just will not let go
You should see that
I say
Be brave this one time
You'll know 'Twas worth it
I wander as I talk
I say so many things
I see so many fears

I lose myself in all of the
Words, pain and sorrow
But when I step back
And look again
There's one thing that holds on
And that's just that I love you
Cause love you I did
It was what I promised
Times came and went
I kept my promise
Now I promise again
I can see it happen
I can see our dream t happiness
I trust it can happen
Through all the pain, difficulty
I still see hope
Sacrifices I don't care
Sacrifices come only to be gone
What can remain is what you need
And will remain is love
Love sweetened my pain all it could
Love heals so they say
Sometimes I bow down
Feel sorry for the love
It fought till the end

I know you don't trust love
But someday you again will
Cause its all that matters
Right at the end
And we all are the same
We need what we do need
Love never works against you
Love is yours for you
Take it or leave it
But do know what it is
Cause thats one thing it deserves
Recognition granting a few smiles
It's hard to wake up
To a day you don't want
It's hard to go to sleep
To a night you don't want
Maybe thats the price you pay
Nothing comes easy they say
I know not why I do what I do
The world questions me
It doesn't understand
It can't comprehend
As tough as it is for me
I try to let the world be
Cause just that really I can do

I hope and I wait
But I know what's coming
We all can see it
It's right there for me
But I still hope and wait
Like a fool wanting to be blind
Like a man staring the gallows
Knowing the end that awaits
But not knowing when it will all end
Not knowing how long the wait is
May end now
May end later
May end never
A life staring at the gallows
Is still sweeter than
Than what I don't know
They say
If not love time will heal it
But will it?
I say
Time may cover it
But the wounds will remain
I say to myself
Your only chance is love
And hope a fool's hope

I grow tired of my life
I can feel that I feel weak
Good, maybe I'll just sleep
Things slow down, voices float
And then she comes to me
The smile I know
The touch I crave
Like a glowing angel
It was high time she said
I know now what I need
Love is all one needs
I can trust you
You won't just love me
She says
They say its tough to give
So how can I not take?
An embrace that took ages to come
Comes in a moment that will be
Etched in my soul forever
A hug so tight, it said
I am back, we are again and we will be
Pearls of joy roll down my face
Happiness, relief, love, a smile
All are mine now, till it vanishes
As I wake up again, the moment gone

And another unwanted day
Running, hiding, then facing
Then hiding again
What was and what is
I wonder
Those lost days, those cherished times
But stop
What has is what is
And what is may be what will
But I crave to try a little smile
Has been long and I miss it
But take not me for the wrong
I say
I still love you just as always
But if it is the gallows he will get
Then give it to him!
If you can't do anything to prevent it
Grant it
If my heart is meant to be broken
I say
Tear it to pieces now and throw it!
I may take forever to gather the pieces
Might just as well start now
And live the life of a lost gatherer
Wondering what the end will be then..

Time

Glance out the window - no changes

 Silent and lonely summer afternoons; the sound of each drop of water, from a leaky tap, meeting its end; my grandmother's rhythmic breathing, the occasional swaying of the tall trees outside and the sighing of the wind are all I heard sitting down alone on the floor, unable to sleep for being a 2 year old. I observed the eery shadows cast by inanimate objects in the house, as though attempting to protest their lack of expression. Now I heard the cry of a man going about his profession of selling vegetables, it was the same as yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before that, till as far back as I could remember. It was the sound of time, in those afternoons, that filled the space around me.

Two decades have been inserted by time in between now and those lost days; two decades of life, two decades of change, growth, emotions. Time has, so it feels, also inserted a clever 'lack of time' in my life, proving its shyness to me once again. Time only made itself heard to me on those lone afternoons, when I listened carefully to every move it made. Now it hides from me, in a game of hide and seek where I am no longer keen on seeking. But even now when I do listen, when I try to seek during any long summer afternoon, I hear the same voice as I did two decades ago. I can hear, so much has been changed by time but time remains the same. The spirit of time still flows around me as it once did, as it always will.